That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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