ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
