Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
