my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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