He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.