hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle