This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.