i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.