I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
