I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
