I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize