dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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