I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
that may or may not have been my penis.
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