At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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