The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
