from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
