Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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