1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
