Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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