i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
