I want to stick my p in your. b.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
