i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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