Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
