you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
