I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize