I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we're making bets on your personal life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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