you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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