Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
