I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
