two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
