It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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