I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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