I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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