I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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