yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
