I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
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he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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