Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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