is your mom at the bar?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
