Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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