I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize