so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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