he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
