I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
