Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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