i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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