If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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