I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
