I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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