the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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