What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
