Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she smelled like a LAN party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
