She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
