OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
