not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
