I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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