when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
