sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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