I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize