oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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