I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
