This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
