I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
