I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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